Over this Thanksgiving break, and a little bit before hand, God has been teaching me a valuable lesson. I am not as loyal to Him as I want to be. In fact, I am not as loyal to Him as I wish I could be. I will easily stray away and I am not in control of my flesh just because I love God. I have to pray on my knees, read my word, and stay in a Christian community in order to even have a hint of something close to loyalty to God.
It is a bitter lesson to learn, but one that I needed to know. I was so quick to say that I will never leave God's side and never walk away from Him, but even Peter denied Christ three times. I was so quick to say that God had done such a great thing for me and that I would never ever do something as stupid as rebel against Him, but even the Israelites turned away from God in less than forty days after He opened the Red Sea. What makes me so much more righteous than them? Nothing. I am destined to fall on my face time and time again, knowing that I am a sinner who needs to be humbled and reminded that I am not the loyal one.
I was so quick to say that I would never leave God, but God is the one that will never leave me nor forsake me. I was so quick to say that I will pray my way out of temptation, but even the Disciples fell asleep when Jesus Himself commanded them to pray. I needed this revelation to realize that I was being prideful. It was prideful of me to assume that I could be as loyal to God as He has been to me. I needed to realize that I am on a walk with Christ and I was trying to run ahead of Him. I need to keep pace, day by day, and let God do His thing.
I was asking for humility, not knowing that God would give me what I asked for.
-D
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